It’s obvious, is it not, that if you were to produce a trough, fill it with money and place it in front of a 650 average English persons, it would be inevitable that snouts will be immersed in it, trotters, too sometimes, up to the hocks. The extent of abuse will vary from Western Saddleback to Gloucester Old Spot, but the more elastic the criteria by which the trough is kept topped up, the less incentive for individual restraint.

The way the Westminster trough has grown, and the reasons for it are symptoms of a classic British fudge.

Those with any understanding of the market value of effective analytical and executive brains know that it is considerably higher than an MP’s official salary. Thus, over the years in order to attract people of the right calibre to fill our legislative chamber this salary has been systematically ‘enhanced’ with add-ons in the form of various tax-free allowances. Because the British public is so used to being handled by Parliament and the media like a prickly teenager who must not be upset at all costs, an open, honest debate on the topic hasn’t taken place. And yet, compare the salaries of the 645 MPs with the top 645 individuals in banking, in the law, in the media/ entertainment world, even the top 645 sportsmen and women. In terms of remuneration, the MPs are patently the also-rans.

This, obviously, has been recognised by the Members and their administrators and ways of achieving some kind of realistic approach to salaries have been sought, but it has had to be done in an underhand way, so as not to upset an ill-informed and suspicious electorate.

As the Daily Telegraph revelations unfold, it is clear that the civil servants controlling the purse strings regularly reject some of the more fanciful claims that are lodged, but those who have put in chitties for swimming pool cleaning have had them passed, presumably because they fall within the proscribed criteria – and it isn’t reasonable to blame them for the system. They’re not abusing the system; the system itself is an abuse. In any case, a cynic might concur that a swimming pool is essential for someone who has been wallowing in the sewer of Westminster all week.

Throughout the pubs of the land I can see the great British Public’s reaction to this concept, as they jump up and down, yelling that our MPs don’t deserve any more money and they are all greedy tossers – well, if they are (and I’ll readily concede some) it’s because they are not paid enough, and not enough of the right people will make the sacrifice. In a hangover from a time when only people rich enough not to have to work stood for Parliament, we cling on to the quaint C18th British idea that the job of government should be purely vocational. In the C21st it can’t and shouldn’t be, but our affection for the old ways makes it hard for us to accept the realities.

If MPs were paid the money they could earn at the top of their professional or business tree, individuals of the highest calibre wouldn’t have to sacrifice large incomes to join parliament and we could demand that they gave the job their full attention, with clear rules about extra-curricular activity and strict monitoring of attendance.

But, of course these revelations making highly entertaining breakfast reading, though I’m delighted that our own Ludlow MP, the punctilious and hard-working Philip Dunne, at the last count, did not claim a penny for his London residence (and he lives 165 miles from Westminster).

Even more amusing would be to see the lists of expenses claimed by members of the journalistic profession, especially those at the muckier end of it. Mazher Mahmood, for instance, intrepid “investigations editor” at the News of the World regularly puts in chitties for the purchase of cocaine. We know this because he was forced to admit it in open court.

Not even our most flamboyant and spendthrift MPs have tried that on.

Popularity: 1% [?]